As humans, we are capable of having both positive and negative feelings. It is okay, it is normal to experience them, and even to change them before the same situation. What really matters is the correct management of our feelings and emotions daily.
Recognizing what we feel does not mean that we will live forever immersed in this feeling. But it does imply that we do not refuse to feel good or bad things before certain events. Therefore, that we handle them adequately to ensure our well-being.
We tend to mistakenly manage negative feelings through distraction, repression, or explosion. Forcing happiness 24/7 degrades our emotional well-being. And taking out anger, frustration, and more with yelling, rage or hurtful words damages our closest ones.
However, the best way to deal with these is through acceptance and affirmation. This allows us to move forward and develop skills of understanding and empathy. We can find value in negative emotions if they are skillfully harnessed.
No feeling is bad. Depending on how you express it, it can enrich us and help us to establish positive relationships. It is important to learn to express our emotions, by recognizing the factors that cause us tension.
Let’s see some examples below:
Can envy be a positive feeling?
In short, the answer is YES.
Envy is a complex and ambiguous emotion depending on how the person experiences it. It arises from the combination of two factors: relevance and similarity. First, because we envy what means something to us on a personal level. And second, because we envy what we can measure or compare with what we are or have. Therefore, it’s common to be jealous of people close to us, in aspects we care about and relate to.
This feeling, however, could be a great motivator if it stimulates competition and self-improvement. From this perspective, its close relationship with admiration can be understood. This explains why we say that there is a “good envy”. Here, a similar feeling is perceived in more unattainable or idealized situations, from a certain distance.
That’s why circumstances that make us think: “I could be there” or “I could do better”, would help us keep growing. There are studies concluding that people who experienced envy have increased their ability to pay attention, memorize, ponder details, and other cognitive faculties.
Breakups as a motivation for physical change
A cliché moment throughout life: a breakup followed by the need for a new beginning, horizon, or look. Regardless of the reason, there is always a void left behind after a breakup. Many fill it by spending hours in front of the TV, eating ice cream, chocolate, or getting drunk trying to help them forget. But make no mistake, none of these options bring positive outcomes to life. Instead, they can even trigger other, bigger problems.
Opting for a good sports routine will help boost your self-esteem, improve your mood and keep you busy in a satisfying and rewarding way. Physical activity keeps weight under control and reduces anxiety and depression. That’s exactly what we need at that moment. It releases chemicals in our brain that work a thousand times better than any drug, medicine, or addiction.
Among other benefits, it also increases energy levels, muscle tone, and overall fitness, which makes us feel better. All of this serves to create a positive self-image, or at least improve it while we are grieving.
Anger as a fuel to increase productivity
Within the range of emotions, there are some that are more conscious than others because they seem to be more reflective. For instance, sadness, guilt, or loneliness force us to stop and meditate on our state of mind, what causes it and how to get out of it. Anger seems to be more thoughtless and reactive (at least at the moment we experience it). It usually emerges in a sudden way, without us having the opportunity to moderate, temper, or evaluate our reactions.
However, it has the potential to be worked on because it has a moral dimension. For instance, ” rightful anger” is the fuel behind many of today’s social movements. On a personal level, anger is nothing more than a powerful weapon that you can hone on a daily basis until it leads you to achieve unimaginable things. You can read more about this in my previous post.
Sibling rivalry as a – negative – drive for self-improvement
Parents often dream that their children will be supportive, loving and committed to each other, and that they will be best friends for life. The idea that peace and joy should constantly reign between siblings is often unrealistic.
Sometimes, facing the idea of sharing the throne of an only child brings up painful emotions, feelings, and behaviors before the birth of the new family member. This is known as sibling rivalry, and often brings mental suffering that is expressed in many ways. From domestic quarrels, disagreements, unwillingness to share their things to more serious situations, such as enmity or permanent antagonism between adult siblings.
While it is not the best of causes, such friction can lead to something ultimately productive: the development of outstanding skills. With the intention of regaining attention, favoritism, and even for the enjoyment of having time and space alone, rivalry can lead to over-performance in a certain activity, resulting in unparalleled talent.
For example, there are physical, artistic, or other activities that allow you to enjoy time away from the effects of rivalry. There is no judgment for taking out your bad feelings through an extraordinary physical performance, a wonderful play, or extensive hours of study.
This is something that I experienced firsthand and that will be reflected very soon in the relationship between Chilly and Nico in the next issue of the Batey series. More details like this will be revealed little by little in my upcoming publications, so I invite you to stay tuned and always read each post to the end.
Connect with Nico Pengin
Facebook: NicoPengin
Twitter: @NicoPengin1
